Hello, my friends.
It’s been a long time. Let me tell you why.
It seems that everything is changing. Literally almost everything. Husband lost his job again in May (the university he worked at closed), so we both went on the job hunt this spring. I ended up getting a job as a writer/editor for Purdue Marketing and Media in April, which is why my posts stopped. My husband turned up a job as well, and it’s an excellent one, but it’s in Iowa. So here we are, one year after we bought our first home, packing it up and preparing to leave the Indiana home we love so much.
William will be leaving his beloved Little Star Center. And really, it’s more like our whole family is leaving it because it was a major part of *us* ever since we’ve known William’s diagnosis. This is the first time we will face autism without them.
But after a meeting with the director of the center and William’s program manager, I’m actually entering a new phase without an overwhelming sense of foreboding.
Public school. We’re doing this.
We think William has a real chance. He is a brilliant mind that I continually underestimate, and I have come to realize (largely through that meeting) how very much my fears have held him back.
Did you know that I refused to move him out of a crib until he was 5? I assumed he wouldn’t like the change, since autistic people don’t like change, right? When he realized that the new bunk bed was for him, he shook with excitement and rolled around in his new bed because he simply couldn’t hold still.
So, I wonder, how long has he wanted to ride a bus to school and come home and do homework, just like his sister? How long has he been ready to do it?
I have been ruled by fear for so long. This move to Iowa is tearing down all those walls I’ve built up because of fear. I’ve been afraid to leave my church and my friends. I’ve been afraid to put William in school. I’ve been afraid to move to a state I’ve never even visited. I was afraid to buy a house sight unseen (though let’s be honest, that one’s legit).
But now we are doing all of those things. And yeah, I face moments that I’m scared as hell. And yeah, the possibility that we could crash and burn is a real one.
Something I am learning in therapy, though, is that I have good resources, and I have all the right resources to get what we need. I have my Christ. I have a solid new parish and priest. I have confidence from those people close to William that he can be successful. I have an incredible public school system for our children to attend. And you know what? Even if everything goes to crap, I still have my Christ. I still have the mind he gave me to figure out a new plan. I have a wonderful family that’s bonded together in love and faith. So even if not one element of our new life is successful, we will not be destroyed by our circumstances. We will not.
So it might be another several weeks before I return. But I wanted to let you know what’s going on and that this community is still important to me and I still think about it every day. I love you all and I thank you for your prayers.