Christ is born! And a happy 2017 to you!
I closed out my 2016 with a giant mistake.
As it turns out, when you’re in recovery and your personal (and fairly public) goal becomes “go easy on yourself,” it’s wise to *actually* go easy on yourself.
Setting up a six-part series on your blog…might not be the best way to exercise that.
I mean, this topic, yes. I need and want to address this. But look at me, friends. Look at me feeling all great and deciding that this is the moment to demand something particularly extra of myself. Look at me using mental wellness as a catalyst to wreck my mental wellness.
The weird thing about mental health is that you might feel good, and that’s great, but if you push too hard when you’re not ready, you’ll break your brain again and you *won’t* feel good anymore.
I did that. I set up this huge goal for myself because I was writing again, and it felt awesome. I was hearing from some of you, and that was extraordinary. I got asked all kinds of questions, stories were shared, and I was like, MAN! I have to share this stuff in the series–it’s all good material, it’s stuff I didn’t think of. But then I found myself running away again. I know you noticed. I haven’t written in weeks, again. It was too much pressure for where I am right now, and I did it entirely to myself.
So I’m going to make my six-part series into three, with the understanding that this is a very long list, and I’m only listing the first three that have affected me deeply. Let’s use this as a springboard for a larger conversation. Let’s make the list longer by talking about it, not by me preaching it to you.
Today is #2: Lying hurts.
Even if you’re just lying to yourself. Those lies cause damage inwardly, and then they extend outward and inflict damage out there, too. Then they come back and damage you again. You see how this works.
A truthful witness saves lives, but a false witness is deceitful.
Sounds a little condemning, and almost not relevant to autism, but it is. Really. How often does an autism parent lie to themselves about how okay they are? Perhaps, just because we’re *tired* of not being okay? Or afraid that others are tired of it? To be truthful about myself–*with* myself–is truly life-saving. Not being that way, though it might seem to solve a problem in the moment…in the end, it’s just straight destructive.
Thank you for your support. I love you all dearly.